Life: As I see it

I remember having a career as a psychologist or a life coach sounded exciting when I was an ambitious,  enthusiastic young lady at the tender age of early 20 something. That was my dream career.  It all started when my friends always came to me with their problems/issues,  be it relationship or whatever. I was a go to person for them. They would say I gave the best advice and that completely led me to believe that I could be good in that profession.





Thinking about it now at this point in my life,  I am glad I didn't go that route. It is one heck of a stressful job. I can't imagine myself listen to problem after problem and try to help people get their lives straight all day, every single day. I wonder if people who are in that type of profession need therapy/consultation themselves from time to time?


As I've gotten older, I realize that life sometimes throws challenges at you more than you can handle. I feel extremely blessed that I am not currently facing major dilemma/challenges/stresses. Lately I have been wearing the hat of a therapist for three people in my life and I feel under stress although those are not my problems. I feel that when it is not my own problem, I could see things clearly but when it's mine I am totally blind because emotions completely take over reasons. I stopped judging people or tell them what to do with their problem after I ran into a few situations of my own that changed the way I looked at things. I learn to keep my mouth shut and just listen. One thing that these three people have in common is they are afraid to let go. It is not surprising though. Most of the time we know the root cause of the problem but we hold on to it knowing it will only make us hurt more because we don't want to let it go. Not that we can't , we don't want to.


In the past, I faced a major life challenge. The amount of stress was so overwhelming that I felt it ate up my life almost every single day I slowly felt it could easily turn into a major depression (if not already) if I didn't do something to stop my anger and resentment. Every day of my life was full of anger and sadness. I felt I had fallen deep into an ocean and kept drowning. I had no one to talk to because I didn't want them to worry. I went on with life, felt totally lifeless for months. Life was a mix of 10% good day, 10% "I think I feel better" day, 40% bad day and 40% "I explode with anger" day. It was not a healthy life. I kept thinking why I had to be in this  situation that I didn't cause. What did I do to deserve this? I beat myself up inside for the things I didn't do. I tried to find the answer over and over. Things got worse as time progressed. This cycle went on for almost a year. It was a long and sad time.
It is difficult to forgive someone for things they have done  you wrong but I realize it makes "you" feel better to be able to let go of the anger and grudge you have held towards people who hurt you. Forgiving is a way to heal one's heart/pain.  As for the people who once hurt you, they will never live a happy life because one day they will realize they have hurt others and that regret will remain in their lives. We don't have to punish them in any way, karma will.


At one point I was so emotionally and physically exhausted I started to realize I couldn't go on living like this. If I chose to make this work, I would have to do something about it. I started seeking for ways to free myself from negative emotion and anger that surrounded my life for months. It was the first time that I felt my brain eventually functioned again after the fact that I let my emotions took control over me for months. I knew I had to do something for "me", not for anybody. I forgave for "me". I needed to let go of my resentment for "me".

One day, I decided to let it all go. Never turn back. I am glad I did.